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Oh My Gosh! It is an ‘Ozone Alert Day’ in Wretched Tulsa! Everyone Panic!

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Tulsans allow themselves to be harassed every summertime by the big bad bogey man called an ‘Ozone Alert’. This happens when the air is so thick and awful and hot and miserable that petroleum fumes make the air almost unbreathable!

It is so awful in Tulsa when that happens that the normally stench-filled air from the refineries actually smells good! Ozone Alert Days are like an extra special heaping of misery for City Tulsans and those unfortunate to be here – one will wish that all one could smell was that nasty sewage treatment plant on the other side of the river! The misery just adds up in this wretched place!

Anyway, lots of people get sick and birds fall from the sky but the City goes on with its business as normal. The idiot Tulsans are browbeat into not putting gas in their cars or driving to the store or mowing their lawns or doing anything that creates emissions. Except the City and County. The Officials drive around all day and act like everything is normal, including lawn work and gassing up and everything the City tells its ignorant residents not to do. Every media outlet will be browbeating their sheep into carpooling or taking one of the filthy, ultra-inconvenient buses. Ugh! It is honestly worse than when a tornado watch has been issued or when Ms. Gillicutty’s dog gets out.

Our corporate citizens who sell the gas and mow the lawns? Business as usual. The Ozone Alert is not for the bigwigs, it is for us sheep to slavishly follow and fret about.

So I am going to be a good Tulsan and do like the Officials and Corporate Citizens and act like normal. Which means that come lunch time there will be my normal hour-long emission fest in the parking lot as I listen to the radio and take a nappy with the air conditioning running full-blast. Normally I do not use the air conditioner on my hellish commute, but today? Heck, and today, I will even throw in an extra couple of air-conditioned breaks for good measure! When I get home, EXTRA lawn work!


Written by thetulsan

June 28, 2011 at 6:54 am

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