Tulsa: Most Boring Place in America? Why, Yes, Yes it is!

Sure it is hot outside – but it is dry, and that counts for something, no? 100+ degrees for as far as can be predicted and 100+ as far as can be remembered. It is so hot that houses on the North side are spontaneously bursting into flames! Really! So hot that the lakes are literally turning into heated petri dishes and ‘blooms’ of Blue-Green Algae are taking over each and every lake in ‘Green’ Country.

But the heat and the fires and the out of control crime and crappy City services and corrupt local government are bad enough, but not as bad as the boredom. Tulsa is without a doubt the most boring place ever, full of staid boring people who get excited watching paint dry. So boring that a hot news story would be the concert in November of some B-list hair band from the 80’s is likely to be the front page of the newspaper and lead newscasts – THAT boring.

It is so boring that the media has selected a sweet blogger as the designated ‘event’ person for Tulsa, who lamely spouts off random ‘events’ going on around this crap hole of insignificance. Look, I tried and tried to stir up the pot (look at the brave spin I put on for Tulsans on the theTulsan P.4) but Tulsa is just boring as hell – and worse is that one is trapped by turnpikes so that escaping either costs you money or time – and most of the time both. Trapped in Tulsa! Oh what to do??

And Tulsa is so going to get worse, if possible! The Talons – a wretched ‘arena’ football team – is likely leaving, the Shock with its almost winless season cannot last long, the disgusting Petroleum Club is finally closing; if it were not for Socialism underwriting the Tulsa Drillers and the wretched City of Tulsa Civic Arena there would be nothing going on – and yet the stupid Tulsans insist on walking around saying they are not socialists sheep! Taxes skyrocketed in downtown – but naming rights goes to the principal donor; if this is public-private partnership, Maoism is a pot-luck supper.

There! That should scratch that bitch itch that crawled up the shorts this morning! Our continued advice to you Outsiders: stay far, far away! Do not visit Tulsa, book meetings here, invest in or move to the City (and the entire ‘Metro Region’) if it can be helped at all. Last week I warned folk to not waste time for the City’s lame 4th of July fireworks disappointment and sure enough for good reason: the finale did NOT go off! And the stupid Tulsans did not even know it! The Aug 5 fireworks show at the ballpark? Scrapped because of a burn ban! Like the concrete slab that is downtown Tulsa is more dry than concrete slabs normally are during a hot, dry Oklahoma summer!

Believe me, Tulsa is a boring backwater chock full of sticks in the mud. Folk are polite but not necessarily happy, busybodies but not active. Wherever you are right now is way way better than ‘T-town’! Either the State is better to live in or there are greater amenities in the metropolitan area. Sure there are exceptions – like East Saint Louis or Liberty Heights – but not many!